#55. ESME’S SWIMSUIT ISSUE

by admin on February 13, 2011

costco swim suit

san francisco dolphin club, c. 1979

 

one of my favorite gym friends related the following nightmare:  she was wandering around in a bikini and couldn’t wake up!  what sort of bikini?  a floral print that was unflattering to her skin-tone and revealed way too much flesh!  esme almost burst her buttons with excitement when she heard this, as she knew it would make a perfect intro. to a blog-segment on swim-suits! 

shopping for any swimming suit, much less a bikini, tends to be something of a nightmare for most of us.  even at the peak of my youth, when, not to boast or anything, i received a fair number of compliments on my figure, i would have described shopping for a swimming suit as something akin to getting a bikini wax (tho this was before the days when american women had discovered waxing).

 i have managed to avoid this unpleasant task for a couple of years now, even though i swim daily.  my strategy (shared by several of my lap-swimming compatriots) has been to collect up a little stash of on-sale swimming suits and wear them until they become ridiculously see-thru (you need to ask a friend for an objective view of this matter, as it’s hard to see the back of your suit and hard to admit that it has given up the ghost).  chlorine is very hard on swimming suits, so it is easy to run thru a couple of them per year.  i’m now down to my last saved suit, and am attempting to put off shopping until it disintegrates on my body. 

it has been many years since i have worn a bikini.  i look back on those days with a mixture of nostalgia and nausee.  these days i find that a tight-fitting speedo or tyr provides a nice lift to the behind and a cerain girdle-like effect around the waist.  i look best in a leg-lengthening hi-cut suit, preferrably in black.  no sense in spending a gazillon dollars on a designer suit if one is actually going to swim in it! 

if i were the sort to lie out in the sun, i might look into a tankini.  these look quite comfortable but do not provide the bum-lift of a one-piece.  then there is the issue of built-in bras.  so far, i have found that the tight fit of a plain speedo has a nice squishing and holding effect, but this may not be true for long.  certain fleshy areas that i didn’t even know i had have started to squish OUT of the speedo, so its days may be numbered, or maybe i just need a larger size! (perhaps spike’s strategie of denial might come in handy right here). 

costco has been carrying a great black speedo with a bra, a v-neck and a white stripe along the cleavage.  a friend bought one for me to try and i was skeptical at first.  however, this has been a most flattering and comfortable suit.  many lap-swimmers of vastly different body-shapes have been wearing this suit, and i am happy to report that it is amazingly flattering on them all.  plus, it’s cheap.  i just hope they carry this suit again, as i desparately need a few new ones! 

which is not to say i have anything against bikinis.  if you have it, flaunt it while you can!  and be sure to have someone take photos (even if you must air-kiss your favorite dolphin club geezer, long gone) so you can remember those days in a few years when you can’t!

take that, sports illustrated!

esme

Share

{ 0 comments… add one now }

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: