by admin on February 22, 2011

the spark within

i’ve had a lot of time on my……(or actually off my) feet recently.  how to fill the gap left by swimming (how i miss thee), dog-walking, and shopping?  many would watch a lot of daytime t.v.  this is just not something i’ve ever found compelling. 

however, i do watch oprah faithfully, especially her segments on fashion, beauty, weight, etc.  the other day she had an interesting show about women and aging, a subject dear to my heart.  three actresses were on the show:  sybil shepard; linda evans (dynasty); teri hatcher (desparate housewives).  all three struggled to to come to terms with their beauty and its fading.  even at the height of their careers, they often didn’t feel beautiful, and were depressed by the discrepancy between their airbrushed photos and the person they saw in the mirror—-who knew!! 

sybil and linda sounded as though they had had years of psychoanalytic psychotherapy (betrayed by phrases such as “a false self”, the child within desparately seeking attention, and so on), which lead esme to wonder what it would be like to be therapist to the famous.  much about learning to value one’s inner self.  linda discussed plastic surgery as a way to change parts of oneself that one is critical of, noting that it’s probably better to get rid of one’s self-criticism than one’s wrinkles!   esme could not agree more with that one.  sybil spoke of looking only at her eyes in the mirror after a certain age.  esme realized that this is what she has begun to do. 

you know, if you make good eye-contact, people just don’t notice the rest of your face;  the other day i cut my lip and was almost embarrassed to go out in public, only to discover that no one (not even kate) noticed it!  so, what is one left with as youth and beauty fade???  how can one separate the self from the body?  what came to esme’s mind about herself (and i certainly don’t mean to boast here) is that she has always had a certain “spark” about her. even today, deep into middle age and with a monster’s foot and a crepey neck, she can feel the seductive power of her spark.  it works on babies, dogs and (gasp) even occasionally on men!  

is the spark part of esme’s physical being or separate from it?  can the self be separate from the body?  readers, let me know what you think!  (btw, i was going to post a photo of myself looking into my eyes, but was so horrified by the line between my eyes that i couldn’t bring myself to do it!)

all is vanity,



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