HOW NOT TO ACT OLD

by admin on October 17, 2011

shoes

spike loaned esme a hilarious book, HOW NOT TO ACT OLD by pamela redmond satran.  (oh dear, citing title and author in this formal way is probably a sure way to write old!).  in addition to its stated purpose (teaching one how not to act old) this book has given esme valuable insight into the mores of christophe.  habits that i had thought peculiar to him turn out to be normal practices for his age-group. take this one:

“only old people leave voice mails. young people….figure that their missed connections will see their number in missed calls and return the call if they need to talk.   urgent message?  send a text.”  this turns out to be miraculously good advice when dealing with 20-somethings.  having repeatedly failed to roust christophe with a voice-mail, esme now finds she can get his attention instantly with a text.

esme recently caught herself almost doing something that was so old it was not even mentioned in the book.  she really is embarrassed to relate this, but perhaps relating it will insure that she NEVER goes anywhere near this one again.  it has to do with divesting oneself of old but formerly expensive clothes and shoes (an admirable pursuit in esme’s case).

some things esme has successfully consigned.  others she has donated.  but the other day she found herself actually trying to give away some expensive but too small shoes to one of the salesgirls at loyd’s shoes, the only person esme could find with feet smaller than hers.  as she was in the middle of a rather rambling explanation she suddenly had a vision of herself from the outside:  a small, gray-haired person, slightly stooped, carrying a bag of old shoes.  omg esme!!  has it come to this?  thank goodness she smelled of chlorine and not moth-balls, and her lip-stick was on straight.

dearest esme, read my lips:  NO ONE WANTS YOUR OLD SHOES EVEN IF THEY ARE ROBERT CLERGERIE AND COST $350  IN 1996!  (have you noticed that esme has a tendency to to talk to herself???…..must be getting old!)  as it turns out, the store was having a charity whereby if you donate a good pair of used shoes, you receive $5.00 off the purchase of a new pair.  esme declined, but her pride was somewhat saved by the idea.

there, i’ve told you.  and don’t ever let esme try something like that again!

feeling ancient,

esme

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